Thursday, June 12, 2008

We're Human

I know I have been saying how great Eli and I are lately...A LOT. But it is the truth. Don't get me wrong though, we still have our little petty arguments just as much as the next couple though. Like I have said before, neither one of us are perfect, but we love each other unconditionally anyway.

Two days ago, I didn't have the greatest day at work. However, I knew all would be alright because I would be going home and knew that I not only got to see him, but we had the little ones. Those two themselves can brighten any day, no matter how dark. I walked through the door and instantly I have Swae and her bright smile running at me and into my arms. I felt cured just by that moment. Next thing I know, Seth is running at me and wanting to be a part of the action. So, I now have two of the sweetest little monkeys loving on me and taking everything negative away. It was the greatest feeling. I walked further, and there was Eli. A hug and kiss from him and my world was great.

I busied myself making dinner and playing with the kids. Yes, I have become very domestic. I grocery shop and I cook dinner almost every night. AND, I love it. I really do enjoy it and I love knowing that I am providing for my family. I am starting to branch out and cook new things too. If you all remember, I NEVER used to cook. EVER. That night I made pork chops. I don't know why, but after dinner I was sensitive for really no reason and because I didn't hear Eli tell me dinner was good (because I was messing with the kids), I got sad. And I let it totally over run me. Something that never would have bothered me, just threw me back into my dark place...for NO REASON. So I finished doing the dishes and doing a few other things, and I went to the store. I knew I needed to get some things and I knew that I needed to step back and check myself because I didn't want to end up in a fight with the man that I love.

Mind you, while I was out I not only cleared my head, but I got Eli deodorant because I saw his empty one in the garbage that morning. I got Father's Day cards...totally shocking! I never get that kind of stuff until the day before or day of. I got thank you cards for Swae to send out from her birthday. And knowing I was being a complete asshole, I got Eli a card to say I was sorry. I didn't go home before he had to leave to take the kids to their mom's, but was home shortly after he did leave. It hit me then...what if he has one of his spells like the past? I was hopeful though that he would come home after dropping them off instead of go out to the bar...even if that is what he wanted to do. And I was right.

He came straight home. He read the card and he came to bed. He didn't sit on the couch and fall asleep watching a movie. He didn't go out and get drunk at a bar. He didn't even fight with me. He came to bed and told me he loved me. AND we talked. We communicated about what we were both feeling and then laughed at how stupid the entire night really was. I would rather have a night like that though than a night we have had in the past. Instead of going to bed mad and upset, we were able to go to bed telling each other 'I love you' and snuggling. He admitted that there was a part of him that did want to go out, but he said that his past is the past and he isn't going to go there again - that we are better than that.

What an awesome feeling that is! I can't help but be so thankful for all the changes that have happened in our lives over the last year. We have both grown in so many ways and it is so nice knowing that no matter what, we always have each other and our love.


Jeninacide said...

Please do not ever get mad at the man in your life because he does not tell you how good dinner is. Life is too short.

: )

That being said- it is easy for me to say that because Erick always tells me.. the 4 times a year I make dinner..

Anonymous said...

I have gotten mad many times for not getting a thank you for dinner... and it's such a stupid thing. It was SO nice to finally see someone else admit to this type of thing too. It's wonderful that you 2 are to the point of being able to say sorry I was an asshole, and to talk about it. It took my husband and I a long time to get to that point. It feels great, doesn't it? And I have to say, you are wonderful for accepting his kids like they are yours! (I just started reading your blog, I saw a link from my friend Heather's page) :) I just think it had to have been a hard adjustment to make, but it sounds like you are doing it so well.