Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Anyway, I went ahead and asked her if she wanted to go on a run with me. I made sure to let her know she could meet me...that of course meant she was able to drive her new car. She wasn't going to pass that up! So we met and were on our way. I didn't think for a second that I would be able to keep up with her since she has been training so hard. But I did. I was quite proud of myself. We ran two mile and walked two. May not sound like much, but to me that was good considering I haven't really been working out that much. I didn't think that I would be able to handle more than a mile of running, but at the end of two, I could have kept going. I didn't because I didn't want to over do. I want to ease back into this whole running thing. I love it so much and it is such a huge release for me, that I don't want to over do it and have any reason at all to have to stop.
I know my mom and sister are meeting with their team to train tonight, but I am still planning on going on a little run. I don't think I will do as much as last night, but at least two miles of combined running and walking. Today I feel so good after yesterday. I love the way my muscles are aching and want to keep it up!
Monday, March 24, 2008
Since then, she has only driven on her own a few times because she doesn't have her own vehicle. So it really didn't sink in all that much to me that she really is old enough to drive. That was only until Saturday when her and my parents were out car shopping for her. They didn't really have any intention of getting her anything, but wanted to start looking and checks prices. Of course my sister wanted me there and there was no way I wouldn't be there for her. The lucky little thing definitely lucked out. She found herself a 2005 Ford Escape. It is so cute for her. It is a light green color. It has under 35,000 miles on it and they were able to get it for under $11,000. That is such an unbelievable deal!!!!
I am so happy for her. She is so excited. She looks so cute driving. It is just so hard to believe that it is already happening. I mean, I remember my bratty, but cute, two-year-old sister with pig tails running around. Now she is driving and getting all boy crazy!
For the one that wrote:
Anonymous has left a new comment on your post "A Special Friend": Are you like 13? The guy is married and you have nothing else to do but ramble about this? Get a life...
I do have a life. I live it every day. I enjoy it and I love my life. No, I am no where near 13, but with your comment, you are showing that 13 is your maturity level.
For the one that wrote:
Anonymous has left a new comment on your post "A Special Friend": "Over the years, our bond got stronger, our friendship was a comfort to the both of us. For some unknown reason, we just clicked. We totally got each other."Question: If you clicked so well, how come he married someone else and has had a kid with her? If you grew up, you might have a boyfriend.
I don't think that I ever in the post said that we were anything more than friends nor wanted to be anything more than friends. He married the woman that he lived, as he should. He had a child with her because he loves her and wanted a family. I don't think I ever specified that I wanted to be that person. I was talking about a friendship. You must have missed that part. As for growing up, I am. And as for a boyfriend, you must not really know me or my life cause, I have one.
Thursday, March 20, 2008
Working up here something totally different than working in the clothing store. I was working with college kids that I thought were pretty cool. They were always talking about all sorts of fun college stuff and I felt like quite the little outsider still being in high school. There was one guy that I totally clicked with, JTL. He is two years older than me and worked on computers. His dad is also one of the bigger boss's in my department. I would always take breaks and go find him and we would talk and talk. He had a girlfriend and at the time, I had a boyfriend. We were just really good friends. We never crossed the line or anything. We were able to talk to each other about everything and he was there for me through my break up.
Over the years, our bond got stronger, our friendship was a comfort to the both of us. For some unknown reason, we just clicked. We totally got each other. We never really had to over express ourselves because we just knew. It was simple, it was easy. With our strong friendship, the jealousy grew on his girlfriends part. She didn't like me. She didn't like how close we were. And I think she always had a fear that I would try to take him away from her or something. I don't know. All I know is that when they would fight, she would accuse him of sleeping with me or messing around on her with me. I somehow always got thrown into the equation. It bothered me that she didn't like me, but at the same time, I knew that she had nothing to worry about. I knew that him and I were just friends. I am not even going to get into their relationship or anything like that, but I will say that I was his outlet. I was the person that he came to and would vent to because he knew I would listen, he knew I wouldn't judge him, and no matter what, I never would see him different or look negative upon him.
Even while I was gone from this job for almost a year, we still kept in touch. We would email like crazy and just still made sure to keep our friendship strong. During this time, there was a falling out. I was his crutch. And because I cherished our friendship, I was there for him. We hung out a couple times, talked, had some drinks, that was it. He needed someone to be there and I happened to be that person. Well, his wife (oh yea, in between me being 17 and 24 they got married) figured out that I was the one there for him and flipped a switch. Since then, nothing has been the same. To save his marriage, he had to break our tie because she couldn't get over the fact that there was nothing going on. This happened in the blink of an eye. One day we were close, then next day it was like he didn't exist.
This crushed me. I understood his reasoning, but nonetheless, I lost a great friend. I didn't really know how to handle it, so I pretty much chose to ignore it. There were a couple times I would check his myspace page to see how he was doing and was extremely happy to see that they had worked things out. After some time, I had moved on from us not being friends. I had just accepted it. It wasn't until I came back to work here that I missed our friendship that we had. But I never had to see him because he had left not long after I did to pursue something different. Then the fateful day happened that he was back here - not because he couldn't hang in the direction that he wanted to go, but because he needed to think about his wife and future family.
I got word that he was back before I actually saw him. His dad is so proud of him and was always coming in bringing me updates. Then the day came and he walked in. I remember it so well. I remember wanting to cry, wanting to be a bitch because it made me sad to see him and know that everything had changed. I happened to be the only one in the office so I had to talk to him. At first it was small talk like you would do to some stranger that was sitting at the front counter. But then it started to get deeper. He talked to me about the other job, he talked to me about how well he was doing, that him and his wife had a baby on the way, and so on. It was so nice. You would never have known that we hadn't talked in almost a year. Within five minutes, he mentioned that he missed my hugs, so I went and hugged him. We talked a little about what had happened with our friendship, but let it go. It was ok that things weren't the same. We were both happy. And we both knew that we still cared about the other...that was what mattered.
For the past year, we have seen each other often. We talk, but it isn't at all like it used to be. We don't email back and forth. We don't hardly ever hug. More because he respects his relationship and I do as well. We have an understanding. Yesterday, I was sitting here at my desk, minding my business when I saw him walk by. He smiled and said hi and kept walking. Next thing I knew, he was in my door way asking me about the new job. Then the conversation continued. I would have figured him to walk out, but he didn't. I asked him about his daughter and I have to tell you that it gave me goose bumps to hear him talk about her, to see his face light up, to see how much joy a human being has brought him. Him and I have talked about when he would have kids and how he would be and he is everything he said he wanted to be and so much more. He was just glowing.
As the conversation continued, our past friendship got brought up. There was some reminiscing, but both agreed that things are how they should be. I wouldn't be ok knowing that I was coming in between a marriage, even if just a friend. It was very nice to hear that he missed us talking, that he missed having that one person to always go to. It was awesome hearing him say that we just got each other. Sure I knew that is how it was, but it was just nice to know that it wasn't just me thinking it. It just added more peace that was needed and I didn't even realize that I needed it.
I wrote him a quick email last night before I left work just telling him that I enjoyed our talk, thought he was a wonderful father. And I made sure to let him know that I am happy for him will always wish him nothing but the best. He responded saying:
"Thanks Steph, I really appreciate your kind words. It was nice talking to you yesterday. I do miss our friendship a lot. I will make sure and stop by more often. "
Just what I needed to hear. It made me feel good and I know that I still have my friend, even though things are different.
Since she has two kids already that are older (12 and 10), she is starting completely over. She has nothing. Not only that, she just moved to Reno a little over a year ago leaving all of her friends and everyone that she knew. She just wanted to get away and she did. So now she is up here, has made some new friends, but is having another baby and has nothing. I am planning a baby shower for her and have been keeping my eyes peeled for good deals to help them out. When Shannon was getting rid of her maternity clothes, I made sure that my boss had access to them. Shannon has been awesome knowing that she is pregnant and asked me the other day if my boss would be interested in a bassinet. Instantly I got all excited and said of course knowing that it would be needed. And as soon as the pictures of it were emailed, I knew for sure that I couldn't pass it up. Take a look!!!!
I am so freaking excited. Shannon is giving the bedding with it. I think it is adorable. I was going to pick it up and surprise my boss with it at her house, but then I remembered she doesn't really like surprises, so I already showed it to her. She was beyond excited. And of course she told me that I need to quit doing so much and blah, blah, blah. But I can't. I am enjoying it and I love helping people that I care about. I guess she went home that night and was telling her husband all about it and now they are just both excited.
Oh yea!!!! At the doctor appointment she went to when she found out the sex of the baby, they got the most amazing ultrasound picture. She described it to me before actually showing it to me, but seeing it was insane. The doctor got a perfect shot of his little foot. You could see his little toes and everything. I want to some how get that picture, blow it up, and frame it for them...I just don't know how to get it. I guess I could ask her husband, but I wanted it to be a surprise for him as well. I'll have to figure something out. Also, there was no mistake that it is a little boy and he definitely isn't shy about showing off his goods!
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
The couple days that he has brought the baby to me have been so awesome. It is so amazing to me how something so little can bring you so much happiness. They are so innocent and cute...I love him! I am also super thankful that he trusts me enough to watch the little man while he takes care of things.
I can't wait to take care of him again. I also can't wait for my boss to have the little boy she is carrying around. I can't wait to meet and hold him. I am so excited for her. In a little bit, I will have to post what I am buying for her from Shannon now that Codi is done with it. I should have taken pictures of the cute little outfits that I bought. I will have to remember that for the next round!
Thursday, March 13, 2008
With my new job, which by the way is 100% OFFICIAL now, I start every morning at 7. Getting here a little before 7 really isn't that bad, but since there is so much going on at work and so much that I am stressing over, I have been getting here at 6:30. That means that I am leaving the house at 6 and it is super ass dark. Not just a little, there isn't any sun that is starting to come up, it is like still pitch black. It is so freaking dark that I can't find the key hole to lock the door without using my cell phone light. I don't care about driving in the dark because I feel safe confined in my car. What I mind is getting to work, when there really isn't anyone else on campus, parking in the parking garage, and having to walk clear across campus to get to my office. It scares the shit out of me when it is dark out. I hate being such a baby about it, but that is just how I am. Sure the path I take is lit, but it is still dark every where else. There isn't ever anyone else around, so if someone were to try something, no one would be the wiser. So it gives me a damn stomach ache just coming to work. I just wish that I parked closer to the office so that I didn't have that problem.
What I have decided is that I will have someone on stand-by so that I can call them for my 5 minute walk. That way, if someone does grab me the other person would know AND I would feel better knowing that I wasn't entirely alone. I'm seriously such a baby. (Shannon, I think that you would totally relate though!!) Maybe it will be a ton better when I am not getting here as early as I have been. But looking outside the window, I see that it is still dark out and this is what time I would usually be pulling into the parking garage to start a normal day. So I think I am just pretty much fucked for this whole time change season.
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
Sunday morning the alarm went off and I wanted to cry. I was so tired. I almost wanted to call off my plans, but didn't. I mean, it's not every day that you get to participate in a bridal fashion show!!! So I got up, showered, and was on my way. Hair and make-up were done. I felt like a princess being pampered on that day. It was so much fun. The dresses that I got to wear were absolutely gorgeous. The day was long, but it was an experience that I will never forget. I have mentioned before that I am weird about being the center of attention. I love people and groups, but I hate being singled out at all. I am getting better with it, but it is still something that I struggle with at times. Sunday was definitely one of those times. I had to walk in front of a group of people, down a run way, in a wedding dress by myself a few times. It was so nerve racking!!!! But I some how found it in myself to push all nerves aside and give it my all. It was a good feeling totally stepping outside my bubble. I enjoyed the whole day spending time with my friends and meeting new people. It really was a great experience.
After the show, I was off and running to meet my family to show off my house!!!! All my family are big jokers and love to give me a ration of shit and boy were they at their best that day. It was so fun. My mom was pretty much in tears walking in for the first time and already has a million decorating ideas. Dad was the cutest I think. He would walk around and look and things and then just come over and hug me and tell me how proud of me he was. It was so awesome. I love knowing that I am making my parents proud. It wasn't just them there either. Nope, had aunts, uncles, all my cousins, grandpa. It was so fun having them all there to see it and support me. I didn't think that we would be there as long as we were, but that is how things always happen with my family. After I was off and running yet again to get Paul and Kara and then to my grandpa's to celebrate my mom and aunt's birthday. I love so much spending time with the people that I love. I had everyone closest to me surrounding me. We ended up being there later than expected so that meant getting to bed later than expected.
Oh and let me just say, this time change...KICKING MY ASS!!!! I have a hard enough time getting up in the morning. And now getting up and it being dark, ugh, just making it a million times harder. I know I will adjust, just like always, but until then I think I will be one tired girl. Maybe I will be able to get some good rest this weekend and have some down time and it will help with the transition. There is a novel idea I tell you! At least I am having fun. The last few weeks have absolutely flown by. But I have been having the greatest time and making SO many memories.
This week I might be quiet blogging and reading/commenting on other blogs because I am crazy insane busy at work. But I will catch up either the end of the week or some time over the weekend.
Thursday, March 6, 2008
My baby brother would be 18 today. I can't believe it. A year older than my sister and 8 years younger than me. It is still so sad to me that he never had the chance to live and that I never got to hold him or see him other than in pictures. My heart goes out to my mom and dad today. This is always the worst day of the year for my mom and my dad is always so good at hiding how he feels.
I love you Thomas James. I think about you often and miss you so very much. Even though you were only with us a short time, you are still a part of our family and the part that makes us whole.