Monday, December 29, 2008

I wasn't ever going to write this post, but then I saw that someone else was brave enough to write something similar and I figured I could be brave too.

See, things in my world while great have also been different on other levels. My family, our kids, this pregnancy, getting ready for the birth of our child are all great. Wonderful, couldn't be better. I am truly blessed and so very fortunate and I know this. I realize how lucky I am and am thankful every single day for everything that we have.

However, there are other things that have been kind of nagging at me. I have been missing my best friend that lives in Vegas like crazy. Things just aren't the same without her. I know I need to suck it up and get over it, but it really is hard when she was so much a part of my life and we did so much together all the time. It makes me feel like a part of me is missing. I am sad to be away from her, sad that she is missing things with my pregnancy and even more sad with the thought of her not being at the hospital when our baby girl is born. I just can't even imagine that...and yet, it is such a strong possibility that it will happen.

Then there are other people in my life that I feel things are just different with and that is something that has really been hard for me to swallow lately. I had some pretty strong relationships with a couple of the girls at work. For this I was happy because then I enjoyed coming to work. I enjoyed taking time out of my work day to chat and gossip and laugh and just enjoy. Lately though, something has changed and it very well could be me...I just don't know. All I know is that the chats don't happen. The popping into my office has stopped. The talks are very...generic, like something I would have with someone that I am not at all close to. It is so weird. I don't know what it is, but it is something that I notice and I notice it very much. I notice the little things like not getting a phone call when I am the only one at the office, or invited to go do something outside of work, or not getting a call back when I call on the weekend. None of this has gone unnoticed for me. Two weekends in a row I have been blown off and I am now at the point where I don't want to try anymore. My reaction to all this - sit in my office with my door mostly closed (also keeps it MUCH warmer) and keep to myself. I figure then I can't be disappointed or hurt. It just makes me sad when I know I have been and am still such a great friend to these people.

It makes me sad when people don't think about other people's feelings. I have done a lot of sitting back lately and watching how people interact with others and there have been many times when I have wanted to cry for someone else because I could only imagine how it would have made me feel if I were them. It is so amazing to me just how very selfish other people are.


Jiff said...

That sucks. :(
I hope things get better soon.


Rach (Mommy Learns to Blog) said...

That sucks - are you comfortable talking to them? Did it happen suddenly or more slowly? Are these girls single or in a different "life space" than you are right now? Maybe they feel they can't relate since you're already mom to two and having a baby yourself now? I don't understand it, but people can be strange.

I'm sorry you're going through this - pregnancy hormones make things even more intensified.

If I were you, I would really consider talking to them - it doesn't sound like you'd have much to lose. I'm not saying it's easy, no one likes confrontation. But if you have specific examples and can phrase it as your feelings and not what they've done to you, I bet you'd be surprised at the outcome.

Hugs, no matter what, and thank you for visiting my blog today!

Lindz said...

I am so dense. I just figured out that this is you!!!

Hope said...

I'm so sorry.....

If you need anything let me know!

Plus we need to hang out more together! I always assume you're busy so I never call. I should start calling.

Multi-tasking Mama said...

I'm sorry your sad. The pregnancy probably doesn't help at all, it multiplies all emotions.

I would know. I am a basket case these days.

And people must be crazy to not want you as a friend.

Jodi said...

Steph, I'm going to tell you what my priest told me. I used to do that all the time with my friends. I would set my hopes up or get excited about something or put my trust in my friends I have known for *years* and bam! They pull the rug out from under me or change their mind or do something like not show up somewhere with no phone call or no email, text, etc. Just like you said..totally blowing me off.

I talked to my priest because it really bothered me and my priest told me to not put expectations in people because I will only disappoint myself. That is coming from a priest. Ok, he also told me to only put my faith in God...but still, he told me never to expect too much from people because they will not live up to your expectations and only disappoint.

I've listened to him and I'll tell you this, I feel alot better these days. Also, God has put alot of new people in my life that do not do that to me.

MarvelousMOM said...

Jiff: thank you

Rach: right now talking to them isn't an option, but I am sure that all will work out.

Lindz: you crack me up.

Hope: we definitely do need to hang out more!

MTM: it could be hormones. I am hoping it is that, if not, that is really sad.

Jodi: thank you for that. That is really great advice and something I should really try to work on so that I am not let down.

Megan said...

I'm sorry it's a hard day. Hang in there. You are surrounded by people who love you and support you! Friendships change for no reason at all, sometimes, as people grow up. Your life is changing, for the better - it doesn't make it any easier, but you are so blessed! xoxo

Jayla'sMommy said...

Awwww, I am sorry. Yeah the pregnancy hormones definitely don't make this any easier. Last year when I was new in Reno and pregnant with Jayla I cried almost every day because I felt so lost and lonely.
Unfortunately I don't have any really good advice for you but I just wanted to send you some hugs! If I was still in NV, I'd love to hang out with you!

Nellie said...

Oh, that really sucks. I'm sorry. I hope things work out with your bff to be there during your delivery.

Mrs. F said...

I am sorry I am so late to the game, but I just wanted to let you know I was actually here. I am sorry about your work situation. I hope things get better!