A Special Friend

When I first started working at UNR, I was 17. I was a senior in high school and was told that I needed to get my foot in the door up here so that when I was in college I could work someplace that would work around my classes. I was also working at a clothing store in the mall, so I was working quite a bit. Don't worry, I still had plenty of time to get out and party and have fun.


Working up here something totally different than working in the clothing store. I was working with college kids that I thought were pretty cool. They were always talking about all sorts of fun college stuff and I felt like quite the little outsider still being in high school. There was one guy that I totally clicked with, JTL. He is two years older than me and worked on computers. His dad is also one of the bigger boss's in my department. I would always take breaks and go find him and we would talk and talk. He had a girlfriend and at the time, I had a boyfriend. We were just really good friends. We never crossed the line or anything. We were able to talk to each other about everything and he was there for me through my break up.

Over the years, our bond got stronger, our friendship was a comfort to the both of us. For some unknown reason, we just clicked. We totally got each other. We never really had to over express ourselves because we just knew. It was simple, it was easy. With our strong friendship, the jealousy grew on his girlfriends part. She didn't like me. She didn't like how close we were. And I think she always had a fear that I would try to take him away from her or something. I don't know. All I know is that when they would fight, she would accuse him of sleeping with me or messing around on her with me. I somehow always got thrown into the equation. It bothered me that she didn't like me, but at the same time, I knew that she had nothing to worry about. I knew that him and I were just friends. I am not even going to get into their relationship or anything like that, but I will say that I was his outlet. I was the person that he came to and would vent to because he knew I would listen, he knew I wouldn't judge him, and no matter what, I never would see him different or look negative upon him.

Even while I was gone from this job for almost a year, we still kept in touch. We would email like crazy and just still made sure to keep our friendship strong. During this time, there was a falling out. I was his crutch. And because I cherished our friendship, I was there for him. We hung out a couple times, talked, had some drinks, that was it. He needed someone to be there and I happened to be that person. Well, his wife (oh yea, in between me being 17 and 24 they got married) figured out that I was the one there for him and flipped a switch. Since then, nothing has been the same. To save his marriage, he had to break our tie because she couldn't get over the fact that there was nothing going on. This happened in the blink of an eye. One day we were close, then next day it was like he didn't exist.

This crushed me. I understood his reasoning, but nonetheless, I lost a great friend. I didn't really know how to handle it, so I pretty much chose to ignore it. There were a couple times I would check his myspace page to see how he was doing and was extremely happy to see that they had worked things out. After some time, I had moved on from us not being friends. I had just accepted it. It wasn't until I came back to work here that I missed our friendship that we had. But I never had to see him because he had left not long after I did to pursue something different. Then the fateful day happened that he was back here - not because he couldn't hang in the direction that he wanted to go, but because he needed to think about his wife and future family.

I got word that he was back before I actually saw him. His dad is so proud of him and was always coming in bringing me updates. Then the day came and he walked in. I remember it so well. I remember wanting to cry, wanting to be a bitch because it made me sad to see him and know that everything had changed. I happened to be the only one in the office so I had to talk to him. At first it was small talk like you would do to some stranger that was sitting at the front counter. But then it started to get deeper. He talked to me about the other job, he talked to me about how well he was doing, that him and his wife had a baby on the way, and so on. It was so nice. You would never have known that we hadn't talked in almost a year. Within five minutes, he mentioned that he missed my hugs, so I went and hugged him. We talked a little about what had happened with our friendship, but let it go. It was ok that things weren't the same. We were both happy. And we both knew that we still cared about the other...that was what mattered.

For the past year, we have seen each other often. We talk, but it isn't at all like it used to be. We don't email back and forth. We don't hardly ever hug. More because he respects his relationship and I do as well. We have an understanding. Yesterday, I was sitting here at my desk, minding my business when I saw him walk by. He smiled and said hi and kept walking. Next thing I knew, he was in my door way asking me about the new job. Then the conversation continued. I would have figured him to walk out, but he didn't. I asked him about his daughter and I have to tell you that it gave me goose bumps to hear him talk about her, to see his face light up, to see how much joy a human being has brought him. Him and I have talked about when he would have kids and how he would be and he is everything he said he wanted to be and so much more. He was just glowing.

As the conversation continued, our past friendship got brought up. There was some reminiscing, but both agreed that things are how they should be. I wouldn't be ok knowing that I was coming in between a marriage, even if just a friend. It was very nice to hear that he missed us talking, that he missed having that one person to always go to. It was awesome hearing him say that we just got each other. Sure I knew that is how it was, but it was just nice to know that it wasn't just me thinking it. It just added more peace that was needed and I didn't even realize that I needed it.

I wrote him a quick email last night before I left work just telling him that I enjoyed our talk, thought he was a wonderful father. And I made sure to let him know that I am happy for him will always wish him nothing but the best. He responded saying:

"Thanks Steph, I really appreciate your kind words. It was nice talking to you yesterday. I do miss our friendship a lot. I will make sure and stop by more often. "

Just what I needed to hear. It made me feel good and I know that I still have my friend, even though things are different.