A little hurt

So last night my feelings were a little bit hurt. I don't know if they should be or not, but they were. I have always prided myself on being a good friend and have always been taught to treat people how you want to be treated. I always try to put myself in other people's shoes before I say or do/don't do something. When I let people into my life, I would do anything for them and want nothing but happiness for them.

I knew that I would be leaving town and wouldn't really be able to celebrate my birthday and there were a few people that I knew wanted to do something with me. Knowing that, I planned a dinner get together and made sure to give people at least a weeks advance. I didn't really invite that many people. I invited those from the last blog I wrote, a few people from my last job that I was close to, the twins of course and one other friend. Shannon and Dawn were a go from the beginning. In fact, it was them that really wanted to go and make me feel special. When Britt was told about it, she was all over it but knew she had class and that she would be late. She rushed straight from class to at least eat dessert with me. That made me feel super good because I know that I would have done it for her. The others...well I feel like they just couldn't be bothered with it. That everything else was just more important and to come would be putting them out. One I know had class and said she would come but would be late and ended up saying she got out of class late and wanted to get together with me before I left for my vacation. Another one couldn't get out of her bunco party. Not sure why the other one couldn't make it. Another one went to the gym because she had to go to the Wednesday class because she had missed it too much and when she got out it would have been 45min before she could be there. And the twins...both said last week that it sounded fun, but never really agreed to coming. I didn't think anything of it. (Side note, they are coming to my house for dinner tonight...) Well I kept mentioning it, and it wasn't until the day before that one said she had a dentist appointment at 2 0r 3 in Carson and the wanted to spend time with her family. And the other said that she wanted her little sister to spend the night since it was her spring break.

Now, I could be being very sensitive and over-reacting, but I was really hurt by this. I have always done things for them and for them to make them feel good. I just felt like they could have done these things on a different day since they did have notice and that they were more or less just coming up with an excuse not to be there. The kicker was when one of them told me, "Well love, I just don't know if I should come so you could do your thing with your other friends." I didn't know what to say. I think I said something along the lines of me wanting them all to get along and be around each other...and that they weren't my "other" friends. The people I spend last night with I know I could call at any time and they would be there for me. I know that I mean just as much to them as they do to me.

I guess I don't understand why they don't want to get to know the other people in my life that I spend time with and am close to. I know that I have met many of their friends and have accepted them and have wanted to get to know them because I know that my friends liked them. Take Shannon for example. All her friends have been 100% accepting of me and given me a chance and hung out with us. I have gone over to her house for a party with a house full of people that I didn't know, aside from a couple, because I care about her. It just makes no sense to me.

Not to mention I was made to look like a total ass. Dawn made reservations to be sure that we wouldn't have a wait and when she asked me how many, I couldn't even give her an exact count. I said anywhere between 4 and 6. So we show up to the restaurant and they sit us at a table for 8 which wasn't bad. I knew for sure that I would have Shannon, Dawn, and Brittney there and really counted on two others to show up. So we sit there and the waiter brings us our drinks and then pretty much just ignores us because no one else showed up. It was like he didn't want to come over and keep bugging us because other people were supposed to be there We were sitting there at this big table, with a huge balloon, a couple empty spots with place settings, and no one else came. I guess it would have been different if people would have just said, I can't make it so then I wasn't left to sit there looking like I wasn't important or special enough to even show up. It honestly reminded me of that one episode of Friends and it was Pheobe's birthday and her and Joey were sitting at this huge table that would have fit everyone and the waiters kept bugging them to move. So they move to a small little table and then they show up and Pheobe ends up leaving to go do something else.

I honestly almost called last night off to be honest and the only reason I didn't was because I knew that the people that did show up were awesome and would make me feel good. I just hate the feeling of thinking that there are people that can't take time out of their lives for other people. I totally understand that things come up. I mean, I missed Shannon's birthday get together, but she knew I wouldn't be able to make it. I didn't make it to my other friends party a couple weekends ago for her birthday but that was because my weekend was full of working and moving. Another friend had a birthday and her friends outside of work didn't show up for her birthday and us work girls did...even though we had other stuff going on and she was one that didn't make it for me. I just kind of feel like I am being over looked by the people that I hold dear to me this year and I have never felt like that before.

I just want everyone to get along. I think it would be so fun if all my friends knew each other and we could all hang out and not just look at each other as "other" friends. No, not all of you do it, but you know what I mean. But if you care about me, please care about the other people in my life too. Want to get to know them, give them a chance. I don't want everyone to be divided. I just hate the way that I felt last night.