Huh?!?!

I may regret writing this later, but right now, I feel like I just need to let it out.

Right now I am between anger and hurt. A day that started out so good for me after a great night last night, an awesome nights sleep, and just a good mood has quickly turned to a bunch of shit. I have never felt like I have needed to defend myself more than I did today. I am the first to admit that I am a different person than I was in high school...and I have changed for the better. I know that I wasn't nice, judged people, and was just a shit. I am not that person now. And I don't think that is a bad thing or something that I should have to explain. I am happier now in my life than I ever have been. Anyone who has known me for any amount of time knows that and sees that and are happy for me. I have a FEW close friends. I have learned that you can think people are your friend and then you get fucked over and stabbed in the back. And Ihave a very hard time trusting people. Does this mean that I close people off? No, because just because I am "friends" with them, doesn't mean I have to talk to them all the time or hang out with them. I can if I choose to, if not, I don't have to. My close friends are another story. They are people that I like to be in contact with ALL the time, whether it be by email, text message, or a phone call and I will go out of my way to see them even if it is just for five minutes because I have something else that I have to go do. I hope by making effort, they will realize that I care.

I want people to know that I don't give a shit about myspace and the only reason I still have one is because that is the only place I talk to them. Yes, I have a lot of "friends" on my page, but they aren't close friends. Do I talk to all of them? No, but I do talk to a lot of them. It may not be every day or every week. Hell some I talk to maybe once every six months. In no way should my page be taken as the person that I am because to me, that isn't shit to me. I do it to keep in touch with people. I may be weird for keeping people on there that I don't talk to all the time or adding people I don't really know and only kind of do...but I just don't see why it really matters or why it bothers anyone else. What is on my page and what I am doing shouldn't bother anyone else. I don't put anything on there that is personal for the simple fact that I keep personal stuff either to myself or just between me and my "close" friends.

At this point I don't really know where I was headed with this damn post. All I know is that I hate when some questions me about my friendship. I treat people like I want to be treated and that is why I am nice to people...until I have a reason not to be. When a friend or family member pisses me off, I don't yell at them. I tend to just get quiet and try to either defend myself and give my two cents on the situation. A lot of times I don't say things that are on my mind because I have learned to think before I speak. I have learned that words hurt and have a crazy affect on people and you are never able to take them back. I don't want people to judge me by my damn myspace page that isn't my life. Hell, I don't want people to judge me without getting to know me so they can judge me accurately.