Stupid cravings...and FOOD!

This morning I have been emailing Shannon and I am not lying, the majority of them all talk about food...from eggos, to thai, to donuts, Burger King, and so on. I am not lying, my stomach is now craving all of it. No matter how much water I drink or the handful of cheez-its I ate have helped anything. I feel like I am famished and yet, I feel bloated as hell at the same time. I am miserable over here.

Thanks Shannon!

Questions & Answers

Ok, so here are my interview questions that Shannon asked me. If you want to play along, email me or comment me and I will send you questions for you to fill out. Hope y'all learn something about me.

1. Why did you choose the college degree you chose?

Ha, that is a good one. I actually went into college wanting to get a degree in Biochemistry because I loved it in high school and thought I would go to med school and become a Pediatrician (since I love kids). Then I realized how hard Biochemistry was and was going to just do Biology. Well that wasn't very fun for me either. All the while, I was taking psychology class after psychology class and loving it. The more school I did, the more I realized that going to med school wasn't appealing to me at all. I just wanted to be done. Then one of my friends and I decided that we should do nursing school. I had every class that I needed and then didn't apply for some unknown reason. After that semester, they changed the requirements and I had to take some other classes and that is when I realized that I was three classes away from graduating with my Psychology degree. At that point, I was just wanting to get out of school and realized that I obviously loved all my psych classes since I had great grades in every class and went for it. The big problem now is just figuring out what I am going to do now in grad school.

2. Why do you think you are so quick to please now?

I wouldn't say that I am quick to please people now. More than anything, I just like when others are happy because it makes me happy. If I care about you and like you, I will do whatever I can for you and to help with your happiness. I have a really hard time letting people down and disappointing people. That could be from me knowing what it feels like to have someone you care about let you down or disappoint you or be unhappy. I want to be a great friend is pretty much what is boils down too. I have always had a hard time pushing people out of my life even if I knew it would be for the best for me. I don't know if any of that makes sense or answers your question...

3. Are there currently ANY guys in your life you can see a future with? If no why are they still in your life?

Honestly, no. I don't think that I have really any guys in my life. I do have a couple guys that I talk to, but nothing that is serious at all. As for the guy from the bar, there is nothing there. He has been fun to flirt with, but I don't see him as anything other than a player and so couldn't give him a chance. As for the coaching guys, I just coach with them. Both have turned out to be good friends and are ok with the fact that I don't want to date them. I just am not into them. So I guess I have kept talking to these people because I like the friendship and there is no reason to really stop talking to them.

4. What caused you to make such a drastic personality change after high school?

Oh gosh, I saw this one coming. Drastic change? Hardly. I was the same up until like a couple years ago. I think that the reason I was the way that I was, was to protect myself. I didn't want to actually show how sensitive I can really be because it makes you vulnerable. And let's face it, kids in high school are ruthless! I sit here and think why I was the way that I was and there is really no explaining it. It wasn't until I met Kara in high school and she was so different than the people that I had grown up with and been around that I realized that I wanted to change and be not only a better person, but a better friend. I didn't want there to be a ton of people that I didn't like for reasons that were unexplainable. I wanted to be nice to be people and have them be nice back. Kara truly showed me what a real friendship was like and I am so greatful. And with me being a better person, I have let more wonderful people in my life (you included).

5. Would you change anything about yourself?

Wow, tough one. The first things that come to mind are those that are superficial like more toned, bigger boobs, etc. But really none of that matters. I like that person that I am. I am in a place in my life and am truly content with it. I think I would actually like to stick up for myself more. I am very quick at this point to be submissive at times and have there not be conflict and that in turn makes me look weak. I know that I am not weak and now I just have to show that. I need to not let assholes (not just guys) keep taking advantage of me. I am a strong person and I want that to be seen.

Last Nights Dream

I seriously had one of the weirdest dreams ever last night. I only remember the good parts though. Like the part where my friend Shannon went into labor. So we rush to the hospital and as we are delivering her baby, sure enough, I some how go into labor and have my own baby. It was nuts. It was the same day and everything. What was even more crazy about the whole thing is that I wasn't pregnant...or didn't think that I was pregnant. I wasn't showing whatsoever and didn't have any of the signs that you would normally get while pregnant. No, I looked in my dream just like I do now. It was so odd.

I don't know where the hell this came from. Maybe it was Shannon telling me that I might be sympathy pregnant with her since my period still doesn't want to come. Maybe it is the fact that I feel like I am just getting bigger even though I have been watching what I eat and working out. I am so into trying to look better that I was in bed at 10pm last Saturday night and up and at the gym by 8:30am on Saturday. I am getting frustrated because I am not seeing a difference or feeling a change. But to have a dream that I am pregnant? I guess weirder things could happen. All I know is the dream weirded me out. I am frustrated from not seeing any sign that I have been really trying to be more healthy and active. I am even more frustrated at how bloated my damn stomach is. Maybe I am just going to pop for real because that is what I really feel like! Ha! Could you imagine??

How the hell am I going to be a parent...

I brought my puppy to work today. He is by far the cutest little thing. He is definitely a little people at heart. He sleeps in bed, under the covers, head on the pillow...whole 9 yards. Well, his little nails are super long and I don't like to clip them, so I asked my co-worker to do it since she is like expert in this. Rusty is so good. He will just lay there while you do it, but if you go to short, he yelps and sounds like he is being killed. So I sat next to him and rubbed his little belly as she was doing his toes and watched and she wouldn't even go too short and he seriously started yelping and crying. Holy shit. My heart and stomach still hurt. He is totally fine, but I just can't take it. It was killing me thinking that he was in pain.

I can't imagine what it is like to be a mom to a real baby and have them get hurt. If I feel like this over a dog...I will be a mess as a mom.

I suck.

Me = Almost Impossible to be mean

If you don't believe it, ask Shannon or anyone one of my other friends. I really have a hard time which is so unlike how I used to be. I used to be the biggest bitch and not even care who I pissed off or that I wasn't friends with someone. But somewhere between high school and now, I am not that same way. Instead, I try to be nice to most everyone unless they do something that warrants some other action or emotion from me. Take my roommate for example. She has done more things to make me mad and upset me and I have continued to be nice to her. I figured if I showed her that I do care, that maybe she wouldn't shit on me anymore. Ha, what a joke this has turned out to be. Let me fill you in on what is going on and what happened today.

My parents had been renting out my grandpa's house since around October. My papa passed away Father's Day weekend and it was hard for my parents to take on another mortgage on top of the one they had, so they found a couple who said they would rent and eventually buy it. Well that turned sour because they didn't want to pay that much money. They kept making more and more changes to the house and so my parents gave them their 30 days notice. That being done, they started stressing about money and asked if I would be willing to break the lease I am in and move in and help them out. I figure, family comes before anything. How could I possibly say no to them when it would be something my papa would have wanted too. So I gave my 30 days notice and went ahead with the planning of moving. I left my roommate know what was going on and told her she could find someone to take over the lease so that she didn't have to move (since she doesn't have the credit to do it on her own) or find somewhere else to go. This didn't go over so well. After she repeatedly told me I was kicking her out on the streets with no where to go and no one to turn to, I told her she could go ahead and move with me. This of course made her happy because she was getting what she wanted. Well, when I told my mom about her moving in, she flipped out. After seeing how she has been at the condo, she didn't want her anywhere near my grandpa's house to destroy (hence the hole in the wall, the never cleaning, the never picking up, not cleaning the cat box, etc). Oh man did shit it the fan when I told her that she couldn't move in. She stormed out, wouldn't talk to me, would send me nasty text messages and so on. I swear I got at least 100 text messages from her one day.

Again, I was told how she had no where to go and so on and so I convinced my parents to just allow her to move in until she went home to Hawaii for the summer in May. They hated the idea, but said that was ok. I tell her she can move in til then and she is all of the sudden nice to me and friendly. Then little things started to happen. Like her ripping my ass over stupid stuff. The latest was when I told her she couldn't bring her cat to my grandpa's house. Mind you, I find a home for my cat and she was supposed to be taking her cat home with her in May and she had her cat staying at a friends place for the last three weeks. This is the text message I received from her (exactly as it reads): "wow your just full of surprises n bad at relaying info what the hell am I supposed to do w/him now bc I cant take him home in the summer its too late to do all the stuff so hes not in quarantine thanks." Mind you, we talked about her taking him home well over a month and a half ago, so he could very well have been in quarantine by now so she could take him. That wasn't even that bad of a text, it just goes to show how touchy and snappy she gets when she doesn't hear what she wants to hear. I explained to her that I got rid of my cat because I knew I couldn't have him and I thought I expressed that to her. I even told her that if it was a problem, she could find somewhere else to go because she is rude to me and it isn't fair.

I went home last night and she happened to be there and I was very pleasant. In fact, we even had a conversation about how moving was going to go and cleaning and everything. I expected her to be rude since I told her that her cat wasn't moving, so I was super surprised how nice she was. She left when I went to bed. I heard her come home at some odd hour of the night since she was annoyingly loud and on her phone and slamming shit, but let it go. This morning I woke up to not just her cat at our place, but my cat that our friend took. I couldn't believe it. Oh and the best part was, they had literally broken the blinds in the living room so I had the fixed the end of last week. I go and look this morning and sure enough, they were already bent up again. I was pissed! I was sitting at work today thinking about how things have been and her attitude in general and I realized how fed up I am. I am sick of her fucking attitude and her selfish ass ways. My mom told me that I needed to tell her how much she owed on the 1st since it is on Sunday, so I sent her this text message: "Rent will be 400 at the house for April and 200 for May. I will find about about the deposit. They will want April rent and the deposit on the 1st." Her response: "why am i paying deposit when I am only gonna be there for 6 weeks." Hhhhmmmm, let me think. Probably because you are selfish, rude, inconsiderate, you don't take care of shit, and they don't want you trashing my grandpa's place. I didn't say that, but I was definitely thinking it. This is where the conversation gets good. (oh side note, she won't talk in person or on the phone, will ONLY communicate through text messages) So the rest went just like this:

Me: "Thats what they want. I am just relaying a message to you."

Me: "Honestly this is getting to be too much for me. I am trying to help you. Maybe you need to find a weekly rental or somewhere else to go cause this is ruining our friendship and that was the last thing I wanted."

Her: "Ya I get ur trying to help me but I gotta look out for myself n if Im putting in a deposit I wanna make sure Im living there not temporary..n it is ruining our friendship but not my fault Im trying to make sure everything is fair for me bc u did mess up by not telling your mom I was moving in."

Me: "Well then go somewhere else. I am tired of how you are treating me just because you are blaming me for something I had no control over. I don't want to deal with it anymore."

Her: "I will n u r to blame n u dont realize it bc ur selfish."

Her: "N only think about you."

Me: "I know."

Me: "And that is the pot calling the kettle black. I need all your stuff out and the key left on Sat by 5."

Her: "No fricken prob..no1s ever told u that huh? Well reality check..its not always about you..or your fam."

I am so upset. I hate that I tried to do something nice for her and help her out and she has the balls to rip on me and put me down. Obviously I am not selfish if I was going to let her move in when every part me wanted for us to just go our own separate ways in the first place. I just don't get people some times. I think it is funny that she is calling me selfish, when she has clearly shown that is exactly what she is. At least I finally stuck to my ground and told her she needed to find some place else to go. Now I just fear what damage she will do between now and Saturday. How the hell am I going to live with her for the next 3 days?? And please, tell me if I was out of line or at all selfish in this situation.

A little down

I am not so sure what my deal is, but for the last couple days, I have really been out of it. I have found myself being very emotional and little things are getting to me. Things that normally don't bother me are bothering me. My feelings are being hurt so easy and I just don't get it. There are a ton of things on my mind and yet, I can't place what the things actually are or why I am bothered by them. It is the weirdest feeling ever. I have been doing so good lately doing all the things that make me happy. I am spending time with my friends, eating good, and working out. So what the fuck is eating me up!?

Just thinking

I was sitting here this morning and was asked a question by one of my really good friends. The question was, "CAN YOU REALLY NOT THINK OF ANYTHING THAT EVER HAPPENED WITH YOU TWO THAT WOULD CAUSE HER TO BE MAD?" This of course was along the lines of me and who I used to work with that turned me in. I took a while to answer her and really sat and pondered what the true answer was. I honestly couldn't come up with anything other than the comment I made to her about the filing. That and I guess writing about the situation and saying how I felt about it. Still, I don't see where that was so wrong either. It's not like I didn't know that I hadn't given her this website. So obviously I didn't have anything to hide. But still. Now that the question was raised, it really does make me wonder. Her and I used to laugh and joke around, talk about things, she was even going to watch my puppy while I was in Cabo. At this point I can honestly say that I have no clue why she turned on me.

On another note, I have to say how much I miss my friends Erin and Jessica from the office. They were so much fun. We used to take our breaks together and our lunches. It was just awesome having people that you were close to at work since you spend so much time there. They are wonderful and I love more than anything that nothing has changed between us just because I am not in the same office. It really goes to show how strong a bond can be. I guess there was a comment made that people could have taken the wrong way. Most would think that the comment was made negatively towards me. The funny thing is, I was told about the comment after it was made and it was explained and it makes me laugh how simple minded some people can be and actually think that any of the people that I was close to truly think that the office is better without me there. In fact, the comment itself was meant to let people know that the office is quiet due to the fact that people don't know who to trust. After what happened to me and one other person before me, people are scared that they could be next. So the most viable option would be to stick to themselves and not go shooting off there mouths. I am proud that my friend spoke up when she did and said what she said. I am even more happy that she is a big enough person to come to me and tell me what she said and explain to me what she meant by it.

Since I have been gone, I realize how nice it is to be away from all the caddiness and drama. Not that I don't miss certain things, but I think you get the point. Things seem to keep changing around there and getting more and more strict. And to have to worry about who is going behind your back is no way to spend 40 hours of your week. It is nice to be in an office that isn't like that. It just goes to show how different different places can be.

One of the biggest things through this that I have learned is that no matter what the issue, I will be an adult and the more mature person in any situation. If I have a problem with someone, I will go to that person and talk to them about it and resolve it. I won't go behind that persons back. I don't want to ever look like a coward. I don't ever want people to be talking negatively behind my back or worry that they can't trust me. I want people to trust coming to me. More than anything, I know that I will always be the better person.

One Year Ago

It is one year ago today that I finally let go of one of my longest relationships not to mention a person that was so hard to get away from. Yes, Bryan. I don't know what it was about him, but I just couldn't seem to break the "spell" that he seemed to have on me. He was so good at saying all the right things and even though half the time I knew he was full of shit, I still kept going back to him. We haven't spoken at all since the beginning of December and that is how I plan to keep it. I want nothing to do with someone who is a compulsive liar and would lie, cheat, and steal to try to get ahead in life. I do however wish nothing but the best for him and happiness, I am just glad that it isn't with me.

A SHOUT OUT

I have to send out a huge CONGRATULATIONS to Shannon, Rob, and Brandon! She is pregnant with her second baby!

You have no idea how excited I am about this. I feel like it was just like last week that she told me that her and Rob were trying. I remember being super excited just cause they were trying, yet thinking it was going to take forever. I think I even remember complaining that I would be waiting a year to hear that she finally was. Then out of no where I got my ass ripped for not checking my email since that is where she decided to tell me and then had to come out and tell me since I was in no hurry to check my email. The funny thing is, she had put it up on her blog and I came home wasted on Friday...like at 3am...and I saw the pregnancy test but was too drunk to read what she wrote so didn't think anything of it. Plus I really thought I would have known before reading it (not that it is a bad thing). And when we were talking on the phone I had totally forgotten, due to alcohol, about her post.

Anyhow, my friend, I am so happy for you and your family. I am so excited to be there for this experience that you and your family will be going through. You are such a wonderful mother! YAY for you!

Oh and just so you know, I am not scared of your raging hormones. I will still be right there and wouldn't think any different of you. I will be here no matter what.

CONGRATS my darling.

Why I lost my job

I took down my post last week "Fucked up Friday." I took it down because I soon came to realize that the reason I am in the position that I am is because someone decided to turn in my blog to my supervisor's. I guess I could have left the post up though since the worst had already happened, but I wanted to make sure things came out the right way rather than just out of anger. So here is what really happened to me.

I guess after I told one of the employees in my office that she could do her own filing, she was a little upset. I didn't realize how upset or that she was out to get me, but I quickly found out. On March 9, I was called into my supervisors office and was told that I was terminated from my probation. That's right, after 11 months of never being in trouble or being written up, they were letting me go. Lucky for me, I wasn't left without a job. I was fortunate enough to come from UNR and they by law had to take me back. This wasn't a bad thing either because it was something I had been looking into anyhow due to the incentive of them paying for most of my masters. But that is really beside the point. The point is, this certain individual had it out for me. And instead of being mature about it and coming to me with whatever problem she had, she went behind my back and turned in a site that only her and one other person knew that I had. When it first happened I couldn't figure out where it came from and then realized that the only thing that could get me in trouble was my blog. This is in fact the only place that I had ever written anything negative about work. Everyone in the office was a friend on my myspace and so I was smart enough never to put anything there. Even then, I don't feel that I really said all that much to warrant them letting me go. I could see getting written up, but not terminated. Especially when I was just being told how great of a job I was doing and was being put on two really big projects. Lucky for me I am smart and I have ease as to why all of this came down.

All last week I still had to work for the people that let me go while UNR made room for me to have my job back. I think it shocked some of the higher up supervisor's because I actually showed up and did the work. I learned a lot about the person that I am. I realized that no matter how much someone tries to break me, I am stronger. She didn't break me. In fact, all that happened was me becoming stronger and a better person. I don't regret my last 11 months at my previous office. I made three wonderful friendships that I know will follow me wherever I go. I thought the girl that got me in trouble was my friend too, but through this all I realize I was sadly mistaken. Too bad for her because I know that I am a great person and I am a great friend. I just can't imagine how she must feel with all that is going on. I don't think that I would be able to look at myself in the mirror. But that is just me. Whatever though. That isn't my concern and I won't waste my time thinking about it.

As for my supervisor, he was absolutely fantastic. I know that he wasn't behind this. In fact, I could add him to being one of the friendships that I will walk away with, so really that makes 4. I truly enjoyed working for him and still have the utmost respect for him. He is a great person and I know he will go far. In fact, he just accepted another position and I am so proud for him. I loved getting to know him and talking to him. He truly helped me through a hard time in my life and getting over someone that was long overdue. I also still have a ton of respect for the two women who are above him (especially the one I spent my last week with last week). She is absolutely a wonderful person and I can only hope she knows how much I appreciate her and am thankful for all that she did for me.

I started back at UNR yesterday morning. I was a little nervous going back to where I had come from, but it actually was like going back to "home." Everyone was super excited to have me back and both bosses were thrilled to have me. In fact the head one said, "Welcome home!" I guess going back was something that was meant to be. I will get six credits a semester paid for. That is huge when you are taking grad school credits. I am at a place where me and my work is appreciated and I am respected. There, no one is out to get me. So I guess I am thankful. Thankful to be at a place that is so great and welcoming and working with great people.

I am sure there are some of you wondering what the hell is wrong with me since this post is so much different from the first one I posted on this topic. Keep in mind though, I have had over a week to calm down and have pretty much just let it go. I can't say the same for some of my friends though. In fact, Shannon I think was more upset than I was even in the beginning. Her post on the entire topic was outta control and very much expressed how she felt about the whole thing. Let's just say she wasn't as nice. I love her though!

So sorry for being MIA for a little bit. I just needed a break and needed to calm down before I posted something so no more negative came from the situation.

Random Post

You know what I find amusing? Girls that post pictures of themselves looking all scandalous on myspace and then find it shocking that a guy would actually send a sexual message to them. Are you kidding me? When you are showing off your tits and ass and taking partially nude pictures, most guys are going to think sex and probably think that you are easy. That is just my assumption anyway. Seriously though, when you post pictures like that up, what message are you trying to portray? That you are sweet and innocent? I don't think so. Not to mention, there are crazies on myspace. What is even more amusing is when the girls post a bulletin displaying the sexual message that they received and act all shocked about it. Hello, you are asking for it with half naked pictures on display.

Less Alcohol

I am beginning to think that I need to stop drinking so much thanks to both Shannon and Ginger pointing it out at dinner last Friday at Moxie's. I wouldn't say that I am an alcoholic by any means, because well, I just don't think that I am. I do however have at least one drink almost every night. I guess some might think that is a sign of an alcoholic, but I don't. Anyhow, that doesn't matter. What matters is, I really am just not feeling good about myself and my health in general. I keep saying I need to work out, but that doesn't happen. I will give myself some credit because I have been eating so much more healthy. I have cut back on the snacks (chocolate included) and am really trying to reach for healthy things when I get hungry. In fact, I don't even eat fast food (and the night after 210 doesn't count!). So with the whole eating better, I should probably limit my alcohol intake so I am not just filling myself with stupid calories that I don't need. Water would be a much better choice. So that is my plan. I will only drink when there is a reason...like a social gathering or something like that. And I will stop having my free drink after work.

Think I can do it??

Cutting back

I have finally hit a point where volleyball is just too much for me on top of my other two jobs. Don't get me wrong, it is something that I love and truly enjoy, but it just doesn't fit at this time in my life. I don't ever have any time for me. I am working a full normal work week, 8 hours on Sundays, and then 3 nights a week after my normal job. And that is before volleyball. Coaching allows me to have one, maybe two nights off a week if I am lucky. It is something that is going to be so hard for me to give up, but I know that I need to for me. Sounds selfish, but it really isn't. I need time to do the little things like hang out with my friends, go to the gym, relax for an hour, maybe even watch some TV, and anything else that blows my skirt up for the day. It sucks that it comes down to me not coaching, but the money just isn't there. And right now, I am trying to get things paid off and do all that I can so I can buy a house and I need to be making money. That is why cutting out the serving job isn't an issue due to the fact that I make in one night what I make in a month of coaching. I don't know. I hope it is the right choice. Yes, I will miss it. I love my girls, but I need to look out for me for once and not everyone else. Now I just have to find the balls to tell the head coach...

Clumsy

So yesterday I am leaving work to go up to our other office and I was in a hurry and on the phone and kinda stressing. I am so used to just going about my business that I don't really pay attention. It is like breathing, it just comes natural. I go out the same door every day, walk up and down the same stairs. Seems mindless. Ha! Not yesterday. I was walking into the parking garage where there are TWO (yes, only two) steps down before you have to go to the right and go up a flight of stairs. Somehow I managed to miss a step and there was no way I was going to catch myself. In my left hand I was carrying my purse and some paperwork and in the right was my cell phone that I was talking on. I reached out with my right hand to the wall, but couldn't catch myself cause my hand was full and started to go face first into it. I was smart enough to look up and only have my chin scrape the wall and someone marked up my hand and scratched my cell phone up. I couldn't believe it. In a split second I was on the ground thinking to myself, "How the fuck did this just happen!?!" It did hurt like hell, but I was tough. I continued my phone conversation and just watched my hand bleed. It was great.

I did keep pondering why that happened and the only thing I could come up with was that I was being negative toward and about the girl that started shit at work. I am very negative about the whole thing and still really bitter, but I shouldn't be talking shit. So Karma bit me in the ass. Luckily I only have one war wound and my face isn't bloody. My chin isn't really even scratched. It is bruised, but not a bruise you can see.

Oh and since you are supposed to ask if I am ok before you can laugh, I am fine, so laugh away.

Update

I thought I would share an update on how things are going around the office after I was talked to about the things that came out of my mouth (look at my Fuming post). To date, the girl that snitched on me still won't even look at me. Maybe it has something to do with me not going out of my way to say hi to her, but nonetheless. In fact, she has even gone as far as saying to something that I have been ignoring her. I guess she isn't that far out of line saying something like that. I have been keeping away from her for the simple fact that I want to rip into her for being so childish. She normally is in my office at least three times a day talking to Amanda and I and now she won't even come in here to talk to Amanda. Oh wait, I take that back. She did come in earlier this morning and was talking to Amanda about some shirt she is wearing and I didn't bother looking up from my computer. At this point, I really have nothing at all to say to her. I don't think that she is my friend like I did before last Thursday. I don't really want to talk to her and be all buddy-buddy with her. I just would rather keep away and keep things civil like that. I just feel that the entire situation was handled wrong on her part and I am just going to do my own thing.

I did hear however while I was gone the last two days that she was in her office talking to someone and shut her door. Hhhhmmmm, isn't that one of the things that she said she didn't like that I did because she felt that it was causing drama and gossiping? Exactly. But I wasn't here for it and was just told about it. And I, unlike her, wouldn't go and nark on her either. I just thought it was funny. Obviously in this case, what is good for the goose, isn't good for the gander.

Back to me being gone though, I was out of work since Friday. Friday happened because I somehow managed to sleep through my alarm and work up at 8:15am. Funny thing, I am supposed to be at work at 8:00am. Shit, my bad. I called and said I would be in, but not until around 10. I laid in my bed pondering why I should go to work and realized that after Thursday, I didn't really want to be there, so I called my boss and asked to just have the day off. I was fortunate for him to say yes. My three day weekend turned into an even longer weekend after I woke up on Sunday with a red right eye. I didn't think much of it because I had slept in my contacts a few nights and just thought it was irritated. So I just left out my contacts and thought it would get better. I woke up Monday morning with a very red eyeball. I figured it best to get it checked out because I know how contagious pink eye is. I called work, they told me to stay home until I see a doctor and figure out what is going on. Ok great. I am not awake and it is 6:30am. I didn't bother going back to bed. Instead, I watched some TV, talked to Shannon, emailed, myspaced. You know, fun stuff. Went the doctor right about noon and he told me I had a mild case of pink eye and I needed to stay out of work for 2-4 days. Well shit! What do you do with your time when everyone else you know is working? I spent Monday doing laundry and hanging out with my family. Yesterday, I slept in, watched some TV, talked to Shannon and finally found someone to have a drink with at 3pm! I was so excited. And then I spent the night just cleaning up and watching a movie solo and passing out. Not a very fun two days off work. But now, I am right back in the grind of it all.

Oh people...

I find it really amusing that people go to such extremes to not do their job, I really do. Take one of my supervisor's for instance. She has plenty of work to be working on...tons of paperwork among other things. Rather than doing it though, she just went into a frenzy over our supply room. She was throwing shit around, slamming things, comes in and rips into me and Amanda for not stocking the paper the right way and so on. I was taking my lunch break, that I am required to take, at my desk. She looks at me and asks me to restock everything and I said I would do it when I got off my lunch break. So she goes back in and continues throwing shit around and slamming things. Amanda went in to see what the problem was and I guess part of it was I didn't go running in there and was still just sitting at my desk. I guess her tone changed when she found out I was taking my lunch at my desk. People are just so annoying some times!

Fuming

And I can't say anything. That's right. I get to sit at my desk and just be livid. I am so sick of working with people that act like children. Honestly, I feel like I am back in preschool. The level of maturity is appalling. There are more adults that act like kids and run around and tattle that. People are getting into other people's business and telling on things that don't even involve them...things that are nothing but have now been made into something. I am seriously at a loss here. You can't open your mouth around this office without someone running to a supervisor and trying to throw you under the bus. I probably would be saying more, but "said" person has looked at this site and I could see myself getting turned in for it.

Let's just say, that I got talked to (and actually in a very nice way) because of a remark that was made that was so simple and mindless and another remark because I was getting told how to do my job by someone other that shouldn't be. Yep. I should have kept my mouth shut of course. I had been working on it and doing a good job, but yesterday, I let it slip out. I even said to the girl I share an office with that I would get told on and sure enough. I don't care that the supervisors talked to me. I care that a so-called friend tried getting me in trouble. I care that there are adults running around acting caddy and petty. It is just the most annoying thing ever. Oh yes, I was also asked not to go into my friends' office and shut the door because it makes the other people in the office wonder what gossip or shit I might be talking or starting. How fucking fantastic. I can't even go and talk to the two people that I am close to OUT of work in the office now. Great.

Now I am unsure how to act. I don't want to talk to anyone or even try to be friendly because then I would just being fake. There are so many things I was to say, yet have to hold them all back. Oh the best part was the supervisors worrying about everyone knowing that something is bothering me when I left their office. News flash - I don't hide my feelings. I never have and I am not going to put on a front and act like everything is great and the people I work with are so wonderful. It just won't happen. What I would give to go for a 3 mile run right now...instead, I get to sit here absolutely helpless on letting out my anger and frustration.